Lowering Expectations Without Lowering Standards

Sep 17, 2024By Joseph Kelly


In a world that often equates high expectations with high standards, it's easy to conflate the two and believe that lowering one means compromising the other. However, this is a misconception. By understanding the distinction between expectations and standards, you can foster a mindset that encourages personal growth, satisfaction, and well-being without diminishing the quality of your aspirations.

Understanding Expectations and Standards


Expectations are the beliefs or assumptions about what will happen in the future. They are often tied to outcomes and can lead to disappointment if not met. Expectations can be influenced by societal pressures, personal desires, or past experiences and can create unnecessary stress or anxiety when they are unrealistic.

Standards, on the other hand, are the principles or benchmarks you set for yourself, reflecting your values and the quality you wish to maintain in various aspects of your life. Standards are about the process and effort you put into your actions rather than the outcome.

By focusing on raising your standards while adjusting your expectations, you can maintain high quality in your pursuits without being tethered to specific outcomes.

I don’t have any expectations of there being an engagement ring inside. However, my standards tell me that if there's a lump of coal inside, I'm no longer speaking to you. 

Strategies to Lower Expectations While Maintaining High Standards


Focus on Process Over Outcome

Shift your attention from the end result to the effort and quality of work you put in. This approach aligns with maintaining high standards, as it encourages you to perform at your best without stressing over uncontrollable outcomes.

Set Realistic and Flexible Goals

Create goals that are challenging yet achievable. Allow room for flexibility to adapt to changing circumstances. This helps in lowering expectations of perfection and embracing the journey of improvement.

Embrace a Growth Mindset

Adopt a mindset that values learning and growth over fixed results. A growth mindset fosters resilience and adaptability, encouraging you to view challenges as opportunities to develop rather than as threats to your success.

Cultivate Mindfulness

Practice being present and aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Mindfulness can help you recognize when your expectations are becoming unrealistic, allowing you to adjust them to better serve your well-being.

Manage External Influences

Be mindful of how societal pressures and comparisons influence your expectations. Limit exposure to negative influences and focus on what genuinely matters to you.

Develop Self-Compassion

Treat yourself with kindness and understanding when things don’t go as planned. Self-compassion helps you maintain high standards by encouraging persistence and resilience without the harsh self-criticism that often comes with unmet expectations.

He’s so happy just searching for the gold stars, that he really has no care in the world about how many he finds at the end of the day.


Benefits of Lowering Expectations


Reduced Stress and Anxiety

By lowering expectations, you alleviate the pressure to achieve specific outcomes, leading to decreased stress and anxiety.

Increased Satisfaction and Fulfillment

You are more likely to appreciate your accomplishments and progress when not tied to rigid expectations, resulting in greater satisfaction.

Enhanced Creativity and Innovation

With lower expectations, you have more freedom to explore creative solutions and take calculated risks, leading to innovation.

Improved Relationships

Lowering expectations in relationships can lead to healthier interactions and greater empathy, as you appreciate others for who they are rather than what you expect them to be.

Maintaining High Standards


While lowering expectations, it is crucial to uphold high standards by:

Consistently Evaluating Your Values

Regularly assess and reaffirm your core values to ensure your actions align with what truly matters to you.

Prioritizing Quality Over Quantity

Focus on doing fewer things, but doing them well. This maintains the integrity and quality of your work.

Seeking Continuous Improvement

Commit to lifelong learning and skill development to continuously raise your standards.

Holding Yourself Accountable

Set personal benchmarks for accountability that encourage you to meet or exceed your standards without the pressure of unrealistic expectations.

By distinguishing between expectations and standards, you can create a balanced approach that fosters personal growth and fulfillment. Lowering expectations doesn’t mean settling for less; rather, it opens the door to a more flexible and resilient way of living, all while maintaining the quality and integrity of your standards. Embrace this mindset, and watch as you navigate life with greater ease and satisfaction.